Not to mention, the son of a bitch left me in the middle of a snowy farm field miles from anything. The only light I see is from the sun, which is due to rise in ten minutes. Hmmm that might explain the burning pain. Cocksucker didn’t even explain what I’m supposed to do about exposure to sunlight. It’s a given that sunscreen isn’t going to be of any help. Even if I could find enough to cover my body. Shit, why didn’t I diet when I had the chance?
Okay, there has to be a culvert or drainage system nearby. It’s a farm field after all. But I’ll be damned if I can see any roads. Oh wait, I am damned.
I strike off to the west, heading away from the sun like it’s going to do me any good. I mean, the sun is encroaching on the horizon like the polyester slacks my mom used to wear would slide up her fat ass when she least expected it.
Damien, when I find you, I will stake your sorry, evil heart for condemning me to this existence.
Look, there’s a convenient sinkhole in the middle of the field. The ground thunders under my feet. Did I mention I’m not a lightweight. I tumble into the crater just as the first rays of sun burst through. I'm already undead, so it isn't like the fall will kill me. I land hard, but in complete shade.
I’ll have my revenge on Damien after all.